Tons of ‘New’ this year. Welcome 2012!
Yes, 2011 was tough. As women, we may ‘feel’ something’s wrong, but we can’t always recognize the terrible truths for what they are. Whether it be a last-ditch effort to deny that our worst nightmares have come true, or a misplaced trust and faith in those around us… we sometimes find it easier to pretend everything’s ok.
I was forced to stop pretending this past summer. It became painfully apparent that my 23 year marriage was over. The process of overcoming the shock, disappointment, pain, self pity, and anger slowly turned into determination, a new realization of what I want, and pride. “Pride” may seem like an odd outcome, but when you sacrifice everything you care most about for something you believe in, well in that case, I feel you should be proud.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Although I look forward to defining myself as a single mom, I do so while making these huge adjustments to every aspect of my life, and the lives of my 16 year old twins. I was lucky enough to be able to create a full time position with one of my contract clients, managing multi-business social media and web development. While this was nothing short of a miracle, and exactly what I needed to be happy (working in a job doing what I love to do so that I could support an entire household on my own)… my daily routine and lifestyle have changed completely.
It’s been four, almost five months… poetic really, considering that we dated for six months before getting married, and it looks like it will be 6 months by the time the papers are filed.
Again, I’m not saying it’s easy… I guess what I’m saying is that it simply “is”. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and even made a wallpaper for myself with some quotes that help me remember that fact. I’ve shared it below…
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
I’m lucky enough to have clients (even though I work full time, I’ve kept my remaining design/hosting clients) and friends that are understanding. With my new schedule and work routine, balancing all of the web maintenance for others is a skill I’m working on. Patience is something I’ve grown to appreciate from others lately.
So, 2012, I greet you with open arms, hope, and determination. I know I will have moments of doubt, fear, and vulnerability… but again, I’m lucky enough to have a few good friends that I can count on to get me back on track. Thanks for that (you know who you are).
Maybe now that I have more time to myself, I’ll find a reason to post here more. Of course, if history is any indication, my next post will probably be welcoming 2013. You know, if the world doesn’t end in December lol.